10: Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Ahhhh, the first love. I never really know how to call this one because when you’re young it’s hard to tell what is love and what is lust. And maybe I’m a little ashamed because I think my first actual love—that is, someone with whom I built a relationship and didn’t just long for from afar—was a fucking idiot. I was 12 and he was 13, we spent a summer together riding bikes and go-karts and having silly country kid adventures in the woods and fields. He was one of my first friends when my family moved to North Carolina, probably because he lived basically across the street and was not too shy to just walk up to our back door and introduce himself. He made me laugh and I never felt self-conscious around him like I did around everyone else, but goddamn, he was dumb. He was a year ahead of me in school but mentally about three years behind; once I had some family visiting from Vermont and someone mentioned that they were from “New England” and he asked incredulously, “Did y’all take a boat or a plane to get here?!” I felt bad for him because his family was absolute scum, some of the worst rednecks I’d ever met. They were dirty and emotionally abusive and I really think he could have been something if he’d grown up in a better environment. He was mostly dumb because no one ever taught him anything, and at that point he was still a sweet little boy. After that summer he went on to eighth grade and he forgot all about me. No surprise, he got into drugs and violence and started running around with some other local losers that I know. I think he stabbed a guy recently and might still be in jail for it. I still run into him once in a blue moon and he always says hi and asks how my parents are, and tells everyone that we used to ride go-karts together. For a while I thought I hated him, but now, looking back, I blame his worthless family for how he turned out, and I’m sad for his wasted future.
My first kiss was a completely different story and I’ll try to tell it without telling the ENTIRE story of me and Jacob, because that’s who it was. c: We were sixteen and he was basically my best friend at the time, we saw each other almost daily and went on family outings together. Several months prior, he had started dating another girl and inadvertently broken my heart when he told me that he chose her over me (he was trying to tell me that he really liked me and actually wanted to date me, but my sixteen year old brain only heard “you weren’t good enough”), but they broke up about a month later. I had actually written him off as a potential boyfriend forever, and he had become my platonic guy friend on whom I still had a huge crush, haha. One night when my mom was taking him home from having dinner at our house, we were in the backseat and as she pulled into the driveway he leaned over and pecked me on the cheek, then said good night as if nothing was unusual. I don’t remember how I felt except that I was completely incredulous, I’m pretty sure I thought I was dreaming. Then I went home and played “Everlasting” by Survivor about fifty times. Because I was awesome even at sixteen (and it sounded EXACTLY like that shitty youtube audio because it was on TAPE, bitches!).
13: Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Actually I would love to visit pretty much all of western and northern Europe. I know it’s WILDLY different over there compared to America, and I think it would suit my lifestyle much better. I specifically want to visit Scandinavia because I love the old history, and the metal scene there is insane. Also Germany for the history, culture, and food. I would love to visit Dachau, actually I’d like to do a whole concentration camp tour.
24: Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
I already answered this yesterday and was gonna pick another movie, but now I’m exhausted from that first question, lol.